10 Things YouTube Makeup Gurus Do That I Hate.

1. Apologize for absolutely nothing.
   1. You don’t need to explain yourself – and if you insist, limit it to a 30 second “apology”. If your dog got hit by a car, I’m pretty sure that warrants you to log off from YouTube for a couple of weeks. If you left YouTube to go join a nudist colony, that’s probably not something I’m interested in hearing. But if you left YouTube to go track down your cheating husband of 10 years and set his car ablaze…tell me all about it. Other than that, don’t use an apology as an avenue to plug all the glitzy shit you’ve been up to as a pseudo-celebrity. We get it.
2. Recommend products that we KNOW were endorsed.
   1. If you’re a natural hair guru and you interrupt your 5 minute video to plug the new GutBuster3000X ‘Guaranteed to make you lose 600 a year’ or some shit, we know someone put you up to it. I can deal with a little product placement but don’t insult my intelligence, Tonya. 
3. Scream. A. Lot.
   1. You’re not performing a ritual and headphone users shouldn’t be the ones offered for sacrifice. 
4. Shamelessly plug their social media presence.
   1. I hate when YouTube gurus end their wonderful content with: *valley girl voice* “Alright guys. If you liked what you saw, follow my Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, Etsy, dead Myspace, my cousin Rayray’s instagram, and my Twitter. Oh! And don’t forget to give me 10 fingernail clippings, the egg of a python, a lock of your hair and your firstborn child. If anything, jumbling all your social media pages together in one monologue only makes me see just how much hard work  it’s going to be to keep up with you. Glitter eyebrows are not worth that much hassle, Becky.  
5. Recommend high-end, expensive products without warning.
   1. “Hey guys! For this look, I will be using 20 different $40 makeup brushes, $20 liquid lipstick, $5 celebrity eyelashes, $50 M.A.C concealer, a $25 blush palette and $100 deluxe eyeshadow palette.” Watching YouTube gurus go from starting out with drugstore products to becoming YouTube famous and recommending high-end everything is fascinating. You have to remember that the entire reason your followers are even your followers is because YouTube tutorials and DIYs are a free learning resource. Most of the people watching your shit are doing it because it was either learn on your own or hire a round-the-clock, professional makeup artist. Considering the fact that most of us aren’t living at the Ritz-Carlton or driving Lamborghinis around, being self-taught is the only option. You might just be isolating the high schoolers, broke college kids, thrifty brides and struggling soccer moms that made it possible for you to climb the YouTube food chain. 
6. Never showing the end results.
   1. I always wonder what people are trying to hide when they cut the video off before the results are shown. Then why upload in the first place? Was it that bad?? Did something catch on fire???
7. Cheesy voice-overs.
   1. If you’re being normal in the video but are making bird noises in the voice over, it’s like nails on a chalkboard. And don’t laugh at your own jokes. I thought that was a rule or something.
8. Rambling…
   1. No one wants to here about how you *just ran into* your other YouTube guru “friends” in the same city, on the same day, at the same time, in the same venue, at the same table. When do you think I was born?
9. Insulting yourself to receive compliments…
   1. If your face is beat to the gods, your nails are sharp enough to rival Exacto knives, your hair smells like victory, and you spend 10 minutes magnifying your invisible flaws: YOU. ARE. LOOKING. FOR. CHEAP. COMPLIMENTS. Ones that I will not give. This is not the part where I reassure you that you’re the fairest one of them all. 
10. Just plain, bad acting. Also, accents. *cringe*
    1. You’re not that bubbly. Stop. You’re not from the UK. Stop. You use way more slang than that – tell the truth and shame the devil.